Art, why so serious?


If you don't have time to study the complete history of art or just want to fit in with the upper echelon quickly here are some easy tips that will help you navigate these holiest of holy spaces without looking like the uneducated jackass that you are:

 

  1. Keep your mouth occupied by consistently pouring white wine down it. If someone still asks you you about the art just say "it's crap".
     

  2. Be unimpressed by everything. This will give the impression that you know more than others around you. No one is going to be blown away by "This art is nice". Grow up idiot, the adults are talking.
     

  3. Stand in front of a piece staring at it for an unusually long amount of time. You can be singing the latest Katy Perry song in your head or going over your to-do list, just keep a fixed gaze as long as possible and you will put all the other so-called art buffs in the room to shame with your depth.
     

  4. Ask for the price sheet and don't flinch when you see the insane prices. If you think any of it is "expensive" you're going to look like a hillbilly.
     

  5. Lastly, look bored. Nothing makes one seem intelligent and cultured more than being unimpressed by everything. If you do nothing else just remember to be bored. 
     

Now you can move undetected amongst the cultural elite and celebrities at any art function, that is of course if you still have the urge to attend such an event or place for some sick reason. If this sounds too difficult or undesirable you can always go the easy route and #SELLOUT