how to not look stupid at an art show

How to not look stupid at an art show

If you don't have time to study the complete history of art or just want to fit in with the upper echelon quickly and as painlessly as possible, here are some quick and easy tips that will help you navigate these holiest of holy spaces without looking like the uneducated jackass that you are:


  1. Keep your mouth occupied by consistently pouring white wine down it. If someone still asks you you about the art and you must speak, stick to "it's crap".

  2. Do NOT be impressed. This will let everyone around you that you know a lot about this stuff. You know so much that you don't even need or want to talk about it.

  3. Stand in front of a piece staring at it for an unusually long amount of time. (You can be singing the latest Katy Perry song in your head or going over your to-do list, but just keep a fixed gaze as long as humanly possible and you will be sure to put all the other so-called art buffs in the room to shame with your infinite depth.

  4. If you happen to see any prices, don't flinch. Remember, there is not such thing as expensive, don't be a hillbilly.

  5. Lastly look, or better yet, be bored. Nothing will make you look more intelligent and cultured more than being ready to leave. Why fight it? Leave and go to a real party


Now you can move undetected amongst the cultural elite and celebrities at any art function, that is of course if you still have the urge to attend such an event or place for some sick reason. If this sounds too hard or shitty you can always go the easy route and #SELLOUT.